my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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