Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
