Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
