Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
