As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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