she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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