dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
