East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
