Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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