Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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