At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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