New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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