Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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