doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
