I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
