I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
