I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
