i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
