dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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