I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This house was built for laser tag.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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