she was so not down for the gang bang
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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