If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
