It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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