in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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