I seem to have left my pride at pride
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
