Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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