I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
