when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
