What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
