why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
