it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We talked him into tasing himself.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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