im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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