Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
