just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
