Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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