You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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