Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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