Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
