You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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