like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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