what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
