I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
