Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
