i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
