we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
