Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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