i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
