just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
