My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
