Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
